Wake up in the morning, feeling like...blah.

I haven't had any caffeine today, so maybe that's why I'm kind of in a yucky mood. It seems like my world of comforts are slowly slipping away: my friends, my job, my energy. Nothing bad has happened, but I'm sure anyone reading this can relate to the feeling that nothing is really as it should be, as it has been, as it could be...I feel like I try so hard to keep a balance, but I can't do it on my own. I call so many people on a daily basis, just to try and let them know I'm thinking of them or to catch up. But very few people call me in return. I live far away from many of my dearest friends and I miss them so much. I wish I had the summers off so I could travel. Actually, no, I like to work. I just wish that I had less than 13 hours a day to work so I could enjoy some sunlight! But here I am, complaining, when everything I have is everything I asked for. I wanted this internship, I wanted to go to grad school, and my friends are also doing the things they want to do. How can I begrudge them their limited time? How can I expect them to keep in touch or to reach out to me the same way I do? It simply feels like all my efforts go out to so many things, and it's exhausting me because the returns are not what I wish they were. How many times have I said "I" in this post? Many, I know. But we all have our moments, and today is one of mine.

What I desire to serve others, which is why I reach out to so many people. I am blessed and I want to share my thankfulness for their presence in my life. I want them to know how much they are loved. Nothing gives me greater pleasure than to provide for someone I know is having a bad day, or needs advice, or just wants to chat. Sometimes, though, it would be nice if I could be on the receiving end of a phone call that said "Just wanted to see how your day is" or "I was thinking about you".

With my jobs and school and work...well, those are things that I worked hard to get and now I need to suck it up and be patient. The fruits of those labors will spring forth in due time. With everything else, I feel like I'm swirling around in the unknown, always waiting, always wanting more. I feel selfish, but I also feel justified in my selfishness...does that make sense? We all just want to feel appreciated...and I am no different.

Even as I write, however, I am drawn to the Lord. The Holy Spirit is tugging at my heart, asking me to come to Him instead of trying to rely on a million other things to satisfy this emptiness. It's so hard to go to Him when all I want is to sleep a bit longer, or read a book, or just hang out. But everytime I've given up those other things for a bit of fellowship, I come away refreshed and renewed. Why, then, do I fight it?

I need some prayer today, in this season of loneliness. Pray that I will be satisfied in Him first and let everything else fall as it should. Thanks!

Have a Happy Hump Day!

Happy Birthday Sara! Love you!


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